Post-Summer Movie Ranking!

(This isn’t even all of them)

With Paranorman more than likely being the last summer movie I’ll see, and with me heading off to college in a matter of days (yikes!), I found it fitting to rank the fourteen movies I’ve reviewed so far, worst to best, in the same manner I ranked my summer movie hype way back in the day. This will be my last movie-related post for a while – I’m going from living with my parents in DesolatetownsVille, population 46, to living on my own in the sixth biggest city in the country. Trying to take things one step at a time. That could mean I won’t see a new movie in a while; so be it. I’ll publish one more post with details about this blog’s future before I go. But for now, I think it’s safe to say there will at least be a short hiatus while I get comfortable and find my footing in Philadelphia. Think of it as a TV show. This was season 1.

Sooo, yep, here we go.

Paranorman

Anything but ordinary

In all honesty, I dragged my feet a little bit on the way to the theater to see Paranorman. Something about the movie just struck me as so, well, normal. I went in expecting to see a little kiddie movie set in a universe where curse words do not exist and the power of friendship and family could overcome any obstacle. Ergo, I expected boring, childish cliches.

It took me by surprise. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still (mostly) a kid’s movie – but even I, at the weathered age of eighteen, thoroughly enjoyed it. There are a lot of tricks and surprises thrown in aimed for audience members over the age of twelve to enjoy. The movie’s central theme – acceptance of everyone for who they are, even if they’re different – is a lesson anyone regardless of age should adhere to, and it’s all wrapped up in the film’s commendable stop motion claymation design, which never strays too far from interesting and occasionally reaches absolutely stunning.

Ted

I want my teddy bear

So, this is pretty behind the times. I was going to see Ted when it was actually new in theaters, but then I didn’t. (It turns out having a movie review blog costs a lot of money. Who woulda thunk?) But then weeks later the opportunity arose again, and I figured, why not? I don’t need money anyway. So (teddy) bear with me for this one late review. I promise there will be something more current published this weekend.

You’d think, since I just dipped into my aforementioned limited money supply and dropped $10.50 on what was more or less one super-sized sitcom episode, I’d be pretty upset, right? But for some reason I can’t bring myself to be mad at Ted’s furry little face (even if I did find his eyes to be too far apart to be cute). I probably should be mad: it’s not like Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin of Family Guy, director, writer, and voice of Ted) has constructed a movie audiences will still be contemplating three minutes after it’s over, and it’s not like his script brings anything startlingly original to the table. But the movie’s robust tackling of adult humor (seriously, your kid may want to see the new movie about the adorable teddy bear, but it wouldn’t be healthy for their fragile development) provides enough laughs to keep even a grumpy old man like me satisfied.

Rewind Reviews: The Mothman Prophecies

If you knew me well enough a couple years ago, you more than likely got an earful or two about my spontaneous fascination, Mothman. Basically, Mothman is one of those far-fetched Bigfoot/Loch Ness Monster hoaxes that no one except a few crazy people (me) actually believe in, but it’s still fun to pretend, so don’t rain on my parade. Mothman is fabled to be a large human-insect hybrid spotted in the ruins of a World War II munition plant in Point Pleasant, West Virginia, first witnessed in the early 1960s. Sightings of the creature became almost daily roughly one month before the collapse of the Silver Bridge on December 15, 1967, and abruptly ended shortly after. All supposed witnesses agreed that Mothman was shaped like a six-foot-tall brownish human with a wingspan of over ten feet and eyes that glistened bright red.

I’m not really sure why I’m so intrigued by this tale. It may have to do with my fascination with bridges, which is equally mystifying. Whatever. But when my friend mentioned The Mothman Prophecies, a movie based on the legend, I realized I never sat down and fully paid attention to the whole thing, and my curiosity was rekindled anew.

Rewind Reviews: Mean Girls

Literally everyone likes this movie to at least some degree. I was trying to think of a movie to write a Rewind Review for, and this is invariably the most popular movie in my high school, rivaled only by 500 Days of Summer, which I also considered, but this was on TV last night, so here we are.

I urge you to suppress your cries of blasphemy, but to me, Mean Girls isn’t a laugh-out-loud comedy. It’s a movie you appreciate more when you think back on it several days after viewing it, when you realize and appreciate how hilarious/outrageous some of the quotes are. Trust me, it’ll be better on your second or third, or fiftieth viewing. The film unearths the largest source of repeatable quotes in recent cinematic memory, thanks to the screenplay written by Tina Fey (who also plays Ms. Norbury) and of course the delivery of the film’s in-their-prime actors.

Total Recall

Total Recall me, maybe

To be frank, I don’t totally recall everything that happened in Len Wiseman’s robot and laser confection, Total Recall. The movie is a remake of the 1990 action/sci-fi classic, but seems to ring back to many other films as well. It’s Star Wars meets Mission Impossible with a Mr. and Mrs. Smith twist and Tron-like visuals, except it lacks any clever plotting or emotional connection all of its ancestors contain. It’s a must-see for any potential alien fetishists out there (hoping there are none), but is missable to anyone else besides the dedicated action movie buff.

The Watch

Wait and see

*I want to start this out by thanking everyone who reads my blog for reaching 3,000 views in less than 3 months! I didn’t really have any expectations when I started, but I certainly did not expect averaging 58 views per day less than a quarter of a year in. The new goal is 4,000 before August 23, when I leave for college. Think we can do it? I think yes.

Some movies are meant to be watched on HBO for a lazy Sunday afternoon’s enjoyment rather than paid big bucks to see at the theater, and The Watch fits faultlessly into that category. The movie’s promising cast of Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, and new to Hollywood screens Richard Ayoade conjure a fair amount of chuckles, but not enough full throttle LOLs to make it memorable. It’s a perfectly viewable once-and-done film, and nothing more.

The Dark Knight Rises

A hero in a lackluster summer

* This post may contain minor spoilers, so if you’re some crazy anti-spoiler purist who somehow hasn’t seen the film yet, run.

Well, there’s our first Best Picture nom.

Bringing a close to Christopher Nolan’s gritty re-imagining of the comic book superhero, Batman’s final adventure in massacre-prone Gotham City faced the tall order of living up to its beloved predecessor. It also faced the task of lightening up an adequate but unremarkable summer in the theater. It conquers both. The Dark Knight Rises is easily the best of the trilogy, which is in itself a difficult feat. If recent Spider-Man and Avengers big screen adaptions are standard superhero movies, many will deem Nolan’s Batman trilogy a masterpiece.