First world problems
Meet the Croods, an irresistibly likable family of Neanderthals struggling to survive each other and the prehistoric world they live in. They’re awesome, right? You can tell from just the previews. Now meet Dreamworks, the hit-or-miss animation studio that took the Croods’ sparking potential to be an animated triumph, and tossed it in a bubbling volcano. Not quite as awesome.
Dreamworks usually cooks up fantastic original films (Shrek, Madagascar, and How to Train Your Dragon, to name three) and gives them terrible cash-guzzling sequels. This will (hopefully) not be the case with The Croods, a film already mediocre enough that it doesn’t need a sequel to ruin it.
Hopefully the last
The Last Exorcism was a great horror movie. It hopped aboard the found footage trend The Blair Witch Project institutionalized, and its low-key horror was a creepy crescendo into a haunting favorite. If only it had fulfilled its title.
Because of its success, we now have to deal with The Last Exorcism Part II, a movie whose title mocks itself. Seriously, I tried making a joke out of the title, but it just came out as the actual title. Director Ed Gass-Donnelly didn’t exactly break his back trying to live up to the original on any fathomable level. The supposed sequel wasn’t even filmed in the same format as the first one. The found footage style that made the first one special? Let’s get rid of that crap and reference it as an irrelevant plot point halfway through. Thank Abalam Ashley Bell was there to keep it somewhat watchable.
Welcome to Crappy Horror Movie Week. Because I randomly didn’t post anything for half a month, this week I’ll be reviewing Dark Skies, the first Last Exorcism and the last Last Exorcism. Maybe. I haven’t seen the first Last one yet, so it depends on if I can, you know, muster the courage. Just kidding, it depends on if I can handle subjecting myself to its crappiness.
Today is Dark Skies, AKA that overlooked horror movie you never heard of, AKA a movie released in February. When I went to see it I was under the impression I was attending opening night but the movie was actually in theaters for like two weeks already, but I can assure you it actually is a thing.