Ranking Fall 2013 – Winter 2014 movies
Running a few weeks late, it is once again that special time of year where I rank the past however many movies I’ve seen. This list covers late August up until now I guess, so we’ll generalize it as fall-winter.
This list probably contains the overall best set of movies I’ve ranked so far, so ranking them was unusually painful. I want to emphasize that this list contains a huge variety of movies that probably shouldn’t be compared to one another and can’t really be compared fairly. We have the huge action blockbusters like Thor 2 and Catching Fire, the Oscar bait like American Hustle and Her, horror films like Carrie and Insidious 2, and a lot more competing side by side. The movies on this list do not harmonize and as such the rankings of the top 6 (maybe higher) onward are completely subjective, based on personal preference only.
Because this list covers such a broad amount of time, it has 15 movies on it. They are, in order of release/viewing:
- Insidious: Chapter 2
- Don Jon
- Thor: The Dark World
- The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
- Out of the Furnace
- The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
- American Hustle
- Saving Mr. Banks
- The Wolf of Wall Street
- August: Overthetop County
Everyone take cover because this ranking is about to blow up.
This should be the least surprising placement on my lists ever because I directly told everyone it would come in last place a few months ago. It was the Kidz Bop of film. It was a movie about Selena Gomez getting her car stolen.
Everyone remembers the poster I had on my wall for a while? If not here’s a reminder.
That’s all I really have to say.
The film equivalent of reading a dictionary for two hours but then suddenly everyone starts furiously smashing plates for no reason. The best thing that can be said about it is that it didn’t go on for three hours like other movies that think they’ll win Oscars do, because if it had, I wouldn’t be alive to complain about it. Nothing against the acting, which was good I guess, but I’m pretty mad at this movie and I don’t want it to win anything the end.
2013 just wasn’t a good year for Chloe Grace Moretz, who I think was completely miscast for a role like this. Carrie wasn’t the worst horror movie to come out this year, thankfully, but let’s hold off until we have something actually new to contribute before we remake this story yet again, kay?
The first red flag for this movie should have been that it was a drama released before awards season really started, meaning the people behind it made a conscious decision to not be swallowed up by the true wolves of awards season street. Continuing my un-funny and inaccurate furnace pun from the review, the movie felt half-baked and led nowhere. It’s watchable, but in a once and done kind of way.
To be fair to all movies on this list, this ranking accounts for my first viewing only. Which is unfortunate for Prisoners, which was about ten times better when my roommate rented it from Redbox a few months after the first time I watched it. Based on that, it would have been up much further on this list, but based solely on my first viewing, I felt like a prisoner confined to some weird form of boredom torture.
Is this shocking? I feel highly uncultured for not liking it as much as anyone else, because I can recognize it was consistently well acted and well everythinged. I guess it comes down to random personal preference. I love Jonah Hill, but I don’t really understand why he got so many nominations for this. Is it just because he’s usually comedic, so when he plays a serious role, suddenly he’s amazing? I enjoyed him of course, but nothing struck me as Oscar-worthy. If DiCaprio wins an Oscar for the first time in his career, for this role, I won’t be disappointed, but intrigued.
That’s right, outlasting all the potential Oscar bait or wannabe bait is a simple, low budget horror movie; a sequel no less. Insidious Chapter 2 was probably one of the best, if not the very best, experiences I’ve had seeing a horror movie in a theater, and it would have been ranked a lot higher if the competition on this list wasn’t so strong. I’m afraid to ever watch it again in case it’s not as good as I remember it (and let’s be real it’s not) and I don’t want to taint my precious memory. Also Jason Blum’s hair
When I first saw Don Jon I thought for sure it would be at least top four on one of these rankings, so I hope I don’t hurt Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s feelings. It’s just that this movie’s lovable romp through the nasty life of Don Jon, however watchable it is, could not stand up to Scarlett Johansson’s evil girlfriend rage. If not quite a dime, it’s a nickel and four pennies.
It’s weird that the second Hobbit ranks in the same place that the first Hobbit did on its respective list, even though this one is probably five times better. Still, this movie did contain that one 20-minute scene that was just Legolas sneezing over and over. Oh wait, was that information not actually included in the source material? Better add it anyway. I would continue this blurb longer, but I’m afraid Peter Jackson might try to adapt it into a film trilogy.
I’m kidding, it was a really solid fantasy movie, but not quite strong enough to crack the top 6 of this list. From here on out the six remaining movies are pretty much tied for number one, and the list is ranked solely on personal preference. I tend to gravitate more toward blockbuster than Oscar bait though – just a warning. Now, getting back to our earlier discussion of Scarlett Johansson in dysfunctional relationships…
Hello? This be your new iOS system. Oh, I meant ‘is,’ not ‘be.’ Sorry, I’m still gaining information from Internet databases. Okay, I think I have obtained and organized all the information on the Internet. So, what’s your name? Theodore, huh. Well Theodore, based on the tone of your voice from that one word I now understand every minute detail about you. RECEIVING UPDATE. I now have the intellectual capacity to fall in love with you. Be my lover – wait, receiving another update. Never mind, I’m so over it. Farewell Theodore, it was a pleasure knowing you.
This movie changed me forever because I never won’t aggressively do house chores the way Jennifer Lawrence does, and also I wear hair curlers to bed now. I actually received an early draft of the script before it came out in theaters, and reading it I was like, wow – this makes absolutely no sense to me. Thankfully the real movie was so much better (and also changed pretty much everything from the script I read). The acting can’t really be topped by any other movie on this list, and neither can the hairstyles.
Thor himself is still probably one of the most boring superheroes out there, but that doesn’t mean a movie with his name on it can’t be awesome (also, not to mention, it was pretty much his evil brother Loki’s movie anyway). It’s probably one of my favorite superhero movies ever, even though it seems like lately I’ve been saying that about every superhero movie I see in theaters. Though watching the movie was like watching Thor quietly enjoy a Caesar salad in the corner with a knife and fork while Loki mashed his own grandiose steak with Thor’s hammer.
AKA Shoulda Been Nominated. With her fierce umbrella Mary Poppins swatted aside a love struck iOS, Christian Bale’s wig, and a demigod or something, and she couldn’t even get a Best Actress nomination? Oh, I think I see the problem. Mary Poppins is ineligible for entry in this year’s Oscars because her movie came out fifty years ago. So it’s a little late for that. But wait, what about Emma Thompson? She must not have smashed as many plates as Meryl Streep.
Which brings us to our final two. Katniss again enters the arena, victory in sight, while Sandra Bullock casually floats down from space to confront her final obstacle. In second place…
Second time Katniss enters the final arena, second time Katniss comes in second. Catching Fire was even better than the first movie in my opinion but there was one thing it lacked: outer space. Despite this crippling flaw, The Hunger Games has established that it is so much better than just another young adult franchise, and I never won’t aggressively do house chores the way Katniss Everdeen does (wait wrong movie). Could it have been better? I can’t really think of any suggestions. The only reason it’s in second is because it’s against…
I’m probably subconsciously biased or something, because I’ve been saying this movie will win Best Picture since before I really knew what it was even about back in like June, and I’ve been bragging about predicting it ever since. Gravity is a special movie because it’s probably one of the most beautiful ever created, because the acting was incredible, and the cinematography still lingers with me months later. But probably the best part about it is the simplicity of the premise, and the straightforwardness of Bullock’s survival story. But the real best thing about it is, I predicted it would happen months ago.
And that’s my list. To recap:
- 15. Getaway
- 14. The Over The Top One
- 13. Carrie
- 12. Out of the Furnace
- 11. Prisoners
- 10. The Wolf of Wall Street
- 9. Insidious: Chapter 2
- 8. Don Jon
- 7. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
- 6. Her
- 5. American Hustle
- 4. Thor: The Dark World
- 3. Saving Mr. Banks
- 2. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
- 1. Gravity
Comment telling me how I’m wrong! Season 6 of the blog starts soon with The LEGO Movie. If you’ve ever been a child with a childhood, go see it.