Rewind Reviews: She’s The Man
Long time no post! I haven’t forgotten about this blog, but, ya know, life. Honestly I should be catching up on reading and research right now instead of writing this (couldn’t get my hand on certain elusive textbooks until recently) but it was putting me to sleep. So I decided to be at least semi-productive and write this while inhaling caffeine. Please excuse any typos.
I’m pretty much resigned to the fact that normal currently-in-theaters movie reviews will be very fewer and farther in between. Time and movie ticket money are extraordinarily rare delicacies to college kids. Right now the plan is to come home September 21 and see Dredd 3D and possibly a second to make up for the long wait. But that might not even happen lol. We’ll see what happens. I don’t know if anyone besides my mom has been checking this site regularly but views have been surprisingly steady considering the lack of activity, so thanks to anyone checking!
And I might as well put this here in case any friends are reading, but if I haven’t been texting you or replying, I haven’t forgotten you! It’s hard to keep up. Calling or FaceTiming me is a lot easier, so do that. Or at least stop being a jerk and text me first.
Uh, so yeah I watched a movie.
SHE’S THE MAN.
Basically the selection process from my friend’s limited basket of DVDs went, “Well, it’s not Twilight and it has Amanda Bynes, who is as close to a goddess as any human being has and will ever come, so this will do.” And I’ve noticed teen comedies are like the best thing ever, even if they’re cheesy and unrealistic. There’s a resilient joy and sense of fun throughout the whole thing, if done right.
This is an older movie, filmed back when Amanda Bynes had some sort of grasp on reality and before she started running over large amounts of people in her minivan during drunken fits, and decided to angrily tweet the President demanding the charges be refuted. What does he even have to do with the situation, Amanda? As if that’s going to change anything. Teen celebrities.
Bynes plays Viola, a butch soccer player aspiring to go pro, but has her hopes destroyed when her school sacrifices its girls soccer team to the ravenous budget cut monster. Conveniently (because teen comedies are nothing without a hefty scoop of unlikely convenience), her brother Sebastian (James Kirk) decides to run away to London for a couple of weeks to do whatever, it’s not important now, so she hatches the plausible idea to steal his identity, dress as a man-boy-child, take his spot at Illyria private school, and join that school’s soccer team. I mean, it’s a pretty desperate possibly life-altering decision just so she can play soccer another season, but we as an audience accept it as realistic because, well, we just do.
Bynes looks oddly piggish as a male. I think she probably picked the right gender. Her roommate is named Duke and is played by Channing Tatum, who hasn’t played a less convincing high school student since 21 Jump Street. Of course he and no one else at the school have not an inkling of Viola’s true gender, because why would they? That would mess up the story a whole lot.
Viola soon develops feelings for Duke, as would any teenage girl sharing a room with Channing Tatum. But Duke likes Other Generic Blond (Laura Ramsey, I think). And then there’s Viola’s old heat Justin (Robert Hoffman), who has devolved into schizophrenic binocular-eyed stalker since their apparently scarring break up. He wants revenge. He wants her head on a plate. He’s really mad.
This movie is pretty awful. I mean, let’s be real here. But that doesn’t mean I hated it. In fact I loved it. Just don’t take the damn thing seriously and it’s a hilarious one hundred minute break from homework and stress. My one friend who was there kept groaning because he took what was happening at face value, and that really ruined it. Screw him.
Probably the funniest part is imagining seeing these ridiculous scenarios in real life. Imagine how… disturbing it would be, watching as your roommate yanked off his sideburns and hair, one by one, his voice slowly escalating in pitch to that of a female’s, and he/she reveals to you amidst the season-deciding soccer match that he was actually a female this entire time and is deeply in love with you. And you’ve been thoroughly punked. I’m not sure how I personally would react. I might pull a Tatum and just not react at all for the first few months. But it’s pretty freaking funny. It might happen to me one day. It could happen to anyone.
The movie is far-fetched and kinda stupid, and you need the right mindset for it. But I enjoyed it, and you should too, as long as you’re not humorously dead like Will. I haven’t searched its rottentomatoes approval rating but I’m gonna go ahead and guess it’s somewhere around the 40 or 50% area. Sounds about right.
This wasn’t really a review but the cafeteria is getting really annoying and I really need to get back to my homework. I hope this is good. I didn’t read over it once so I really don’t even know.
Can I just dedicate a paragraph to how proud I am that I spelled ‘schizophrenic’ correctly on my first try? It was a guess.
New reviews, probably not this week. But keep checking! Tell your friends to go on! Show your family! Force it upon coworkers! Spam my URL on social media! Network for me!
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