Summer Movies Hype Ranking!
If today’s weather is any indication, movie-goers will take shelter from the humidity in the theater quite often this summer. To help you decide which movies to see this summer, I have ranked nine upcoming films based on how good I personally think they will be.
The movies I included are (in order of release date):
Snow White and the Huntsman
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
The Amazing Spider Man
Ice Age 4
The Dark Knight Rises
The Expendables 2
9. Ice Age 4: Continental Drift (July 13):
Is anyone actually planning on seeing this? I’m not planning on seeing it. The original Ice Age was an awesome movie, but should have gone extinct before any sequels were created. And I know it’s an animated kids movie, but how long can we as an audience go on ignoring the fact that Ray Romano the talking mammoth (Ray Romammoth? No.) has to be around 200,100,000 years old by now in order to have survived the past three films? We’re talking the Ice Age, all three dinosaur ages, and now, apparently, the separation of Pangea. (Sequentially inaccurate, I might also point out.)
8. The Expendables 2 (August 3):
Lately people have been asking me what my favorite ‘type’ of movie is. The Expendables 2 is exactly what it isn’t. Look at the poster. I sat there and counted the weapons. 13 guns and 13 knives on each side. Perfectly symmetrical, which I find amusing for some reason. Oh, and 6 pointy things under the skull. So 58 weapons in total, all extending out of an unpolished, metallic skull. Is anyone else wondering why the skull isn’t on fire? It’s obviously supposed to be.
7. Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted (June 8):
We’ve seen what Dreamworks does with perfectly good movies. They take an awesome movie like Shrek, milk three or four crappy sequels of descending quality out of it, and give it a spin-off before finally, mercifully, laying it down to rest. The Madagascar franchise is following in Shrek’s steps, reaching its second sequel and already having a spin-off (some Nickelodeon show about the penguins). The first Shrek was awesome, and I loved the second as well. The third was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. The fourth was cinematic death. We’ll see how reviews for this movie go, but I’m willing to bet they won’t be pretty.
6. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (June 22):
I’d actually be willing to see any of these top six movies. It’s just that I’m s o t o t a l l y o v e r vampire movies, so I will probably drag my feet a little to see this one. I felt the same way about Dark Shadows, and I was right about that one.
(For the record, any words or phrases on this blog that are darker than the rest are hyperlinks. Click them.)
5. The Dark Knight Rises (July 20):
LOL I see you raging. At the risk of betraying and losing my newly formed audience, I thought the first two Batman movies were boring. Even The Dark Knight. To the remaining two or three people still reading this, I will probably end up watching this movie and enjoying it. Maybe I disliked The Dark Knight because I was watching it alone on a badly lit, laggy netbook. Who knows what was going on with me that day. Please forgive me.
4. Prometheus (June 8):
I’ve seen the trailer for this movie enough that I’ve gone from “whatever” to “what is this about again?” to “I might actually want to see this!” The trailer’s music, complete with the wailing siren building up to a dramatic ending, is pretty awesome. Also, it has Michael Fassbender. I could go either way on this film, but right now I’m pretty excited for it.
3. Brave (June 22):
When the film first entered post-production, Pixar advertised it as their first experiment with darker tones in a film. I was hooked from the first time I saw the original movie poster above. However, more recent commercials have been advertising it as the same light-hearted fun Pixar movies are known for. While my hype for it has consequently dropped, my initial excitement for it keeps it at number 3 on the list.
2. The Amazing Spider-Man (July 3):
Spider-Man is the only superhero I would consider myself a fanboy of. (Well, maybe the Hulk…) I am one of the few people I know who can say they unconditionally love all three recent movies, even the third one. And so far, this one looks even better. Even though new Peter Parker’s hair kind of freaks me out. (Try to tell me that solid dome on his head doesn’t weigh 25 pounds.)
1. Snow White and the Huntsman (June 1):
I’m looking forward to pretty much everything about this film, but most of all the special effects. Seriously. That fuzzy plant-turtle? The magical deer that Bella Swan/Kristen Stewart/Snow White – DON’T MESS THIS UP KRISTEN.
Ahem, sorry. The deer looks awesome too. It even has Chris Hemsworth in it, and he’s been in like the past twenty-three movies I’ve seen, so it’s like it’s meant to be.
Well, there’s my ranking. Any movies not included that you’d like to see? Agree, disagree, or rank your own in the comments! And expect my review of Snow White and the Huntsman sometime this weekend.